There's Always One

This week's professional writing project has led me to scour the web for information concerning certain wildlife repellents. I found that in order to find some actual user feedback on these products I had to dig ridiculously deep.

[Lots of heavy sighing and days on end scanning through search engine results.]

In the midst of all this monotony I came across a forum post that boggled my mind.

It is quite obvious that this person cannot possibly be an avid gardener. If I am mistaken, then may I suggest they live in a glass bubble somewhere? Perhaps, another planet.

While I was diligently searching out real repellent comments, I came across this little gem:

"Don't use anything with Capsaicin as, if the bunnies are hungry or thirsty enough, they will still eat you plants and you will burn their mucous membranes and could cause blindness. You could also put out some whirligigs and windsocks as noise
and movement makes bunnies nervous and they might move on to a more peaceful
'diner' :) ... "

A whirlygig will scare Thumper off? What possesses a person to fall for such a conception? A whirlygig wouldn't even scare off a chicken. The only thing that scares off a rabbit is a threat of it's well being. Not some wimpy flag swirling in the wind. Even 220 slobbering pounds of dog flesh with 8 legs and 2 hungry incisor lined mouths and a hunting instinct is not enough to scare off rabbits. Nervous my eye!

When the threat disappears, that four legged munching machine will swiftly return to the scene and rapidly ingest your leafy kingdom. Desired plants are rabbit candy! Perhaps she lives in the depths of New York City where rabbits are seen in the zoo and photographs.

Results of peaceful bunnie dinner.

Bunnies should come in chocolate. Available at Easter time and only allowed to cozily nestle on plastic grass as a companion to jelly beans, marshmallow chicks, malt ball and cream filled eggs. Oh yes, lets not forget the dyed chicken eggs so artfully decorated with stickers and wax crayons before becoming a portion of the season's first potato salad.

It doesn't matter what group of people one studies. There's always one. That one silly soul that everyone will shake their heads and wonder what goes on upstairs.

Doesn't she realize that when they see your only defense is a silly piece of polyester spinning in the wind is an invitation? That rabbit ain't nervous. Its like a front page headline ... Come Get Yer Victuals Here. Silly rabbit #1 is off to tell the rest of the clan that there is no stopping this feast. Its like you put a sign up in the center of Rabbitville that says "Follow me to good eating. No regulatory mishaps. Plenty for everyone. Hop on in."

If you ask me a blind rabbit in the garden is a far better option than a plant destruction machine that can see and flee! It can't go tell it's kin about your plants either, so the messenger is stopped before inviting the next 12 generations to your garden.

Live rabbits in the garden are an excellent source of stew and cozy slippers.

Whirlygigs? Bring on the hot peppers!

Hi Mom

Living so far from what used to be home means you don't talk to your parents that often. I don't know exactly why it causes constantly meddling to dwindle to an acceptable level but it does. Half a state away is less preferable than half a country. Maybe its the measurement of space and time. Instead of being easily accessed after a 3 hour drive the emphatic meaning sinks in when they have to drive for 2 days to see your face. After a few of those trips they seem to find better things to do.

Now its a pleasant surprise to hear from them. So it was the other day when Mom called.

She: "Hi honey, how is everything."

Me: " Fine. I've been meaning to call you but I've just been so busy trying to finish these huge projects."

She: "That's okay. I know you're busy. I just thought I'd call and see how everything was going."

From here the conversation covered her great granddaughters latest progress at learning new words and developing comical behavior. Aaah, but then it came to light the impetus behind her button pushing to connect with me. The world at my fingertips is beyond the perimeter of Mom's. Not that I mind, many is the goose chase she has had my computer and I go on for her. This time, things went far differently than before. In fact here was something that was totally opposite from frustrating if not irritating.

Her staunch refusal to get connected to the world of cyberspace begins with the notion that if she did that people can get into her computer. (Like they can invade her home or something.) She thinks it is a typewriter. The last one of those she had made her cry. Don't even ask me to regale you with the tale of the computer. Let's just say she has one and knows how to type and print an invoice on it.

She: "Say, could you look something up on the Internet for me."

Me: "Sure, what do you want to find."

She: "I want you to see what stores in Michigan actually carry Meier's Sparkling Grape Juice in stock. Is that possible? I can't find it anywhere I used to buy it. Its made in Ohio."

Me: "Is the Mej or Mey?"

She: "M-e-i-e-r. Not Meyer like Meyer's. I don't know where they are in Ohio. Somewhere. I want some for Thanksgiving. Dad has already been everywhere. I don't want to put you out or anything. Just if you find some time it would be nice to know WHERE to send him and well..."

Me: "Cincinatti, Mom. They are in Cincinatti. Did you want Cabernet Red, Spumante ... what flavor of fizzy juice is it that you desire to perfectly compliment the bird?"

She: "I DON'T want to know what flavors there are. I want Cabernet White. I just want to know where I can buy it because I can't find it anywhere around here."

Let me clue you in. Mom goes through at least 8 bottles of this stuff if not 16 over the course of holiday entertaining. I am on the company website where she can buy a whole case as simple as 1-2-3. She is still trying to find out what store in the several thousand square mile state of The Land of Many Waters to direct Dad's Cadillac toward to be the victor instead of the cause of irritation. Whatever you do, do not waste time. He can be as crusty as crust if you do.

Me: "Get your credit card. You can get a whole case and save time. You'll have enough for the whole season and then some."

She: "I think 3 bottles will be plenty there is just going to be 6 of us for dinner."

Me: "How long have you been looking for this stuff?"

She: "I haven't been able to find it anywhere for over a year."

Me: "Do you WANT Meier's Fuzzy Juice for dinner or don't you? You can order a case of it right now and it will be there in plenty of time for Thanksgiving dinner. The shipping has got to be far cheaper than sending Dad tooling all over the state to pick up some fuzzy juice."

She: "But how will I buy it if I don't go to the store?"

See what I mean, she is just not connected. I explain that if she would just get her Visa her beloved juice will be enroute to her the next day. It isn't the cost of the shipping or even the price of the case that is the issue. Its the fact that she doesn't understand shopping online. I got her over all those hurdles with the credit card number and a completed order once she grasped the concept. Now we get to the point of a confirmation number so she can verify how long the delivery will take. Time will stand still if it is not there and chilled for dinner.

Me: "Okay, here's your order confirmation number. Got your pen ready?"

She "Go ahead."

Me: "436652"

She: "Got it. Thanks hon..."

Me: "No there's more to your number. Dash 11 dash 14 Edward Charlie Dog ..."

She: "Edward? Do you mean E? Can't you just read me the number instead of all this fancy code stuff?"

Me: "E like Edward, C like Charlie, D like dog 25 44 period 321 dot ..."

She: "Slow down! I think I got confused. ECD2544 - did you say period? Then you said dot. Are they different?"

Me: "No, they are the same. I said dot because its easier than period and theres a lot more number to go."

She: "There's more! I'm running out of paper. ECD2544 dot ... what comes after the dot again?"

I won't tortue you through the next 5 minutes of this back and forth banter. I'll just type out the entire confirmation number. I'm sure you will understand why at the end of the complete recitation of the number I was out of breath and had tears streaming down my face. It was like something from a sitcom. Totally histerical.

436652-11-14ECD2544.321.002EE01-E1684092.349924

If she had email this could have been over in seconds. But if she did, I would have missed out on a really good and beneficial moment of hilarity.

My Claim to Fame

BREAKING NEWS ... New Plant Scoop

It is the only perennial of its kind -

anywhere in the world.

Early spring leaves are the blackest of burgundy as they rise from the soil.

This photo was taken in mid May in zone 5 where the plant originated.

As the early leaves get larger and more plentiful each develops the arresting accent of a striking acid green stripe down the midrib. Quite a show stopper clump of leaves it is too.

Introducing Phlox paniculata 'Lord Clayton' PPAF

Strong stems are black burgundy from the soil line to the tips where the blooms will form in mid summer. There is no other colored leaf cultivar within the Phlox paniculata plant family even though it is a vast and highly varied assortment of available perennials.

continue reading ...

Colorful Trees

The most precious thing about life is sometimes found in the simplest things.

The other day I finished work early enough to take my granddaughters to the park for swings and slides time. They were so excited to go.

Not more than a mile away from their house, the eldest who is three next week says,

"Nonnie! The trees are turning colors."

One would never think a person this young would actually take note that the leaves in the woods are no longer just green. So I said,

"Yes, they are getting ready for winter."

"The trees are vewy pretty now. Ooooo - look at that wed one."

And as we motored on a couple of miles down the road toward the park she saw a medical office with yellows, reds and some brown too.

"There's a 'lellow' one Nonnie. Why is it lellow?"

The color "lellow" only looses favor to purple ... or pink. Now she wants me to explain why all the other ones were red. She is smart but she is still only 3.

"Its a different kind of tree, honey. Some turn yellow, some orange and other trees turn red before they loose their leaves."

"Yes," she says, "I remember. No more sunny summer days, trees have no more leaves."

She's a pickle this one. Like how does she remember the week before she turned 2?

"But spring will come and the flowers will all open in the trees before they get new green leaves again."

"I love fowers Nonnie. 'Specially the 'licious smelling ones. You have 'licious fowers at your home."

"The purple one on the steps?" No need to ask really she smells it constantly.

"Yes, that poople one is my favorite. Are we almost at the park? I want to slide. Not the baby slide Nonnie, I a big girl now. There's a stop sign. 'Member to look both ways, Nonnie."

The stop sign is new. She has learned this in the last week.

"When you see the little yellow school busses, we will be almost to the park."

"Yes. Then we turn on other road. Will there be 'lellow' trees at the park, Nonnie? I like the 'lellow' ones best. 'Lellow' is pretty."

Well the park seems to have no interest in fall color. All the trees were brown. So much for munincipal planning. She was too afraid of the big slide when staring at the top end of that dark tube. Monsters lurk in the dark. I knew she wasn't ready for that slide yet.

"Nonnie, lets take sister to the baby slide. She will like it."

Not fessin' up about that slide yet. She stared down that black hole three more times before the lowering sun sent us home. Each time she came back down from the playscape maze with a new idea about what "sister wants to do now". Sister hasn't said a word that anyone could understand since chortling "bye-bye" all the way to the park.

Did You See September?

Anyone with news of where the month of September ran off too, please respond!

How could an entire month just up and walk away without me seeing it go?

I hope someone saw it because at this desk September seems to have just up and left the building.

Fine how-do-you-do as I am quite sure I saw it arrive.

But to just breeze in the door and flee right out without warning?

Rude manners should not be endured.

I don't care what month you are, have some respect already.

But you know the strangest thing happened while the beauty of September was skulking away.

No, nothing fantastic happened with my flowering beauties.

Neither was anything alive profoundly provocative in other ways.

My regular readers may think I was abducted by aliens, but I am still here.

Still my self. Though an entire month just arrived and left without giving proper 30 days notice.

Should any of you even toy with the notion that I have run out of words to type ...

Well. May I insist that you are without common sense?

To quote my son, "You talk to much!"

Whether silently, via the keys, or spoken to human ears, I have not been suddenly silenced.

Quite the contrary! The truth be known that my freelance writing world has been set on fire.

All I did was lay in a bit of kindling.

A pitiful pile of twigs it was and then found the matches wet.

Sad one that it was. Wee smoldering mess capable of only a weak flame now and again.

This is until the entire forest caught fire.

Now, I am curious as to whether my fingerprints have worn off from the typing.

Perhaps, I could even think about the topic of plants in the next day or so.

What a brilliant notion! To pick up where I was so rudely interrupted.

The good news is the bills are covered with excess until the next 5 weeks fly by.

Need to know anything about debt management, credit repair, bankruptcy and the like?

I am a walking encyclopedia after the research and projects churned out in past days.

Skin care and acne getting the best of you? Yes, I have become a font of knowledge here too.

Ready to start your own hydroponic veggie garden to save your from Salmonella?

Just ask, I may just know the knowledge that you seek.

Maybe after a full 8 hours of not working and good night's sleep ...

Some crazy story or some plant growing wisdom may filter through the mess.

One never knows what lurks within the mind of Lost In The Flowers.

Stay tuned, it is always possible myself will be allowed to be regular again.

Come to think of it - - YES!

There is something that may be of great interest to anyone who stumbles upon these pages.

Tune in tomorrow. Fingers are punching out for the day.

For the Love of Leaves

The trouble with color is it speaks to me. If they would just make more leaves true red and royal purple, I could have more fun with them.

I was messing around with my camera the other day just to see how it would do on closeups. These are some sections of my container gardens at my front door. Silver and purple seems to be this years theme.

Image © Lost In The Flowers Media

The combination of Purple Diamond Loropetalum above the silver falls of Dichondra is just stunning. The Loropetalum I got at Lowe's and was incorrectly tagged. I was not very happy when I discovered it was not the Purple Pixie Loropetalum I had visions of cascading down the side of the container. Of course by that time it had already increased the root ball beyond the size of the 6" pot and I could not exchange it for the right plant. Still, it is a lovely and colorful shrub even if it will not remain small enough to live much longer in a pot.

Image © Lost In The Flowers Media

Ah, Snow Fairy Caropyrtis how I do love your bright white leaves. You look so lovely with the Blackie Sweet Potato and some red Verbena peeking through here and there. Once upon a time there was some Laguna Lobelia in there .... somewhere. They got smothered out long ago I'm afraid.

Garden Frosting

Cone-fections Plant Feature...

Echinacea purpurea 'Meringue'
Image courtesy of Plants Nouveau

Like icing on a cake. Creamy and attractive petaling that may just find it's way to being a favored blossom for wedding cake decor. What a lovely bloom to team up with romantic pink rose buds to add unusual flair to nuptials celebration traditions.

Echinacea 'Meringue' is a petite new introduction in the Cone-fections series that comes to us from The Netherlands. Add a little evening glow to your garden. Nicely compact for smaller spaces and an excellent candidate for front row placement. Arie Blom has again created a densely branched Echinacea that is fully double and extremely floriferous. Reported to be in full flower from July through September, Meringue has great garden merit.

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