I Got Your Note

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The thing I liked about lunch hour when I was placed at the helm of the landscape contracting office was that everyone else left. There was just me, a Diet Pepsi and the opportunity to concentrate. An entire 45 minutes or so of peace, broken only by a ringing phone. As long as I willed the phone not to ring, life was good.

Don't think that the presence of the staff would have allowed me to accomplish a task. No one asked for them. They were here to do what I could not because I was either out or on the phone. Then there were the things that no one knew how to do but moi. This was a moi job.

My powers of mental control kept that ringer silent for all of 30 minutes. Okay, I answered it right before the machine did.

"Hello!" said the female voice. "Its Judy, Judy Stein. How are you?"

The good news? She is a gem of a client. The bad news? Perhaps it isn't all that bad. I'll let you decide for your self after following this conversation.

"I fine, Judy. I'll bet the guys cut your new lawn area today." I answered.

"OH, we just got in from France late last night," she gushed. "What a lovely trip it was, ten whole days of rest! Still I am glad to be home again. That's why I called, to talk to you about this note."

"Note?" I was puzzled. I can't recall sending her a note or why I would have. "When did I send you a note, Judy?"

"I'm not sure, it must have arrived while we were away. I was just opening this pile of mail and there it was. It was nice of you to let me know about the sod. I wondered if anyone called the police?"

Moi again, there is no one else to transfer this humdinger too. Visions of all manner of things those infuriating guys might have done blasted my mind. A blend of angst and bafflement now formed a knot at the top of my stomach.

"Whatever they have done, surely it is nothing to call the police over," I stammered. "You and I have always had such a great relationship, Judy can't we settle this without bringing the law into it?"

"But it was stolen," she cried. "Who on earth would do such a thing? I know it is just grass, but if there is a police report then I can turn it into my insurance company."

"Some lowlife actually came to your house while you were gone, rolled up all that new sod and took it? Are you kidding me? This is the first I have heard about it. "Let me call the truck and ask them what they know." Now, I have had some really crazy events go on that I had to deal with from this office, but this here took the cake. There is no way of my guys would be stupid enough to do this. It was definitely an outside job.

Just as I had my hand half way to the two-way button, Judy went on to say, "What do you mean you didn't know about it? You wrote me this note. I know this is your signature on here. Is everything all right, dear?"

What on earth is this woman talking about? By now I am literally beside myself. I decided to start at the beginning,

"Judy, you have been gone for 10 days. Look at the date on your statement. I typed that note the day after they finished the work in your yard. By the time it reached your mailbox you had already left town. So how could I have known that your sod was stolen?"

"But, Tammy, the note clearly states that you knew." She replied, and my mouth fell open. "It clearly states here in the note that the sod was taken."

At which point I burst out laughing. I really couldn't help myself, being swept up in a wave of relief that made it all the more hilarious. It was definitely one of those moments you are lucky to be conversing with a friendly client who has known you since childhood.

"Now really, I have been robbed of my perfect new lawn and you are laughing?" Judy sputtered. "What is wrong with you?"

"Judy, did you look out the window before you called me?" I asked wiping my tears.

"You know, I think you might just need a vacation yourself. Why would I look out the window after I your note?" Now her voice is all concerned for me. "Shall I just call the police myself?"

Lord, please don't let me laugh again! " Judy, have you seen the crime scene at all? Please do me a favor; go over and look out the window. If there is just bare dirt out there, I promise I will call the police."

A minute later Judy is laughing. "Now why did it not occur to me to look outside before I called? No wonder you were so confused. But please, could you explain this note? Why would you tell me it was taken if it was not?"

"When sod roots into the soil under it, the trade term is that it "has taken", as in taken root. The note says 'As soon as the sod has taken we will mow the area'. I guess I should not type it that way on people's statements. You are the first person to think it meant stolen."

"Isn't this silly?" she asked as she chuckled. "In fact, this is the craziest thing I have done in quite some time. You must have thought I lost my mind! Wait until Jerry comes home, he will be rolling when I tell him about my day."

"Well, at least I do not have to put the crew on trial and try to squeeze out a confession. I was horrified when you wanted to know if there was police report." I was still giggling, but talking almost normally.

"What a stitch!" she laughed. Well, at least the day is off to a good start. I'll let you get back to work now, I need to go and unpack. Keep laughing now. Goodbye!"

Judy was still laughing when the phone hit the receiver.