Your Garden Will Never Be The Same

Thursday, December 11, 2008

There's Always One

This week's professional writing project has led me to scour the web for information concerning certain wildlife repellents. I found that in order to find some actual user feedback on these products I had to dig ridiculously deep.

[Lots of heavy sighing and days on end scanning through search engine results.]

In the midst of all this monotony I came across a forum post that boggled my mind.

It is quite obvious that this person cannot possibly be an avid gardener. If I am mistaken, then may I suggest they live in a glass bubble somewhere? Perhaps, another planet.

While I was diligently searching out real repellent comments, I came across this little gem:

"Don't use anything with Capsaicin as, if the bunnies are hungry or thirsty enough, they will still eat you plants and you will burn their mucous membranes and could cause blindness. You could also put out some whirligigs and windsocks as noise
and movement makes bunnies nervous and they might move on to a more peaceful
'diner' :)
... "

A whirlygig will scare Thumper off? What possesses a person to fall for such a conception? A whirlygig wouldn't even scare off a chicken. The only thing that scares off a rabbit is a threat of it's well being. Not some wimpy flag swirling in the wind. Even 220 slobbering pounds of dog flesh with 8 legs and 2 hungry incisor lined mouths and a hunting instinct is not enough to scare off rabbits. Nervous my eye!

When the threat disappears, that four legged munching machine will swiftly return to the scene and rapidly ingest your leafy kingdom. Desired plants are rabbit candy! Perhaps she lives in the depths of New York City where rabbits are seen in the zoo and photographs.

Results of peaceful bunnie dinner.

Bunnies should come in chocolate. Available at Easter time and only allowed to cozily nestle on plastic grass as a companion to jelly beans, marshmallow chicks, malt ball and cream filled eggs. Oh yes, lets not forget the dyed chicken eggs so artfully decorated with stickers and wax crayons before becoming a portion of the season's first potato salad.

It doesn't matter what group of people one studies. There's always one. That one silly soul that everyone will shake their heads and wonder what goes on upstairs.

Doesn't she realize that when they see your only defense is a silly piece of polyester spinning in the wind is an invitation? That rabbit ain't nervous. Its like a front page headline ... Come Get Yer Victuals Here. Silly rabbit #1 is off to tell the rest of the clan that there is no stopping this feast. Its like you put a sign up in the center of Rabbitville that says "Follow me to good eating. No regulatory mishaps. Plenty for everyone. Hop on in."

If you ask me a blind rabbit in the garden is a far better option than a plant destruction machine that can see and flee! It can't go tell it's kin about your plants either, so the messenger is stopped before inviting the next 12 generations to your garden.

Live rabbits in the garden are an excellent source of stew and cozy slippers.

Whirlygigs? Bring on the hot peppers!

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